So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
