I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
