Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
two words...techno handjob
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
