sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
