if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
