fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
