How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I could fuck to npr.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
