Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
