I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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