dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
