Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He did a backflip because drugs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
