I want to make a zoo with you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
