My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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