I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
