she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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