I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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