yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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