weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I FOUND THE LEGS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
