if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
