SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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