is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
