I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
