My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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