the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
