I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
