So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
