i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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