Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
