its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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