Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ttyl tear gas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
