you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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