I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
