he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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