It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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