So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
