you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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