How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
