i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
