Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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