So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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