For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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