I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
