her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
