remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
