i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
