Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
