im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
