plz talk dirty to me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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