If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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