Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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