I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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