I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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